Member-only story
1 — Checkmate
I’ve always had an inner problem with love. I wasn’t a child who said I liked someone; if I did, it was something faked. When I was asked if I had a boy I liked at school (it was still too early to modify the word and say ‘someone’), I never knew what to say. I didn’t understand the question. My only loves were the comics from the missionary magazines that I read at school and that Mrs. Lurdes, the school janitor, always wanted to throw away.
And then, as a pre-teen, the feeling was still the same. While all the other girls experienced the fact of “becoming a woman,” I would have to wait a few years for this.
Any woman knows how much this small and important stage of life is. We are always seeing who is “ahead of us” when it comes to the evolution of our bodies. Everyone wants to be a woman as soon as possible and to have their period first. I, on the other hand, whose mother had barely mentioned what that was, didn’t see any fuss about it.
In fact, the idea disgusted me, and there was almost a refusal to want to be an adult. The same refusal came hand in hand with a lack of desire for anyone, let alone boys.
How could I? They were the ones who constantly made fun of me, bullied me, and called me “Johnny Moustache,” making a malicious pun on my first name and a rock and roll song *. I hated and despised them, but without having the courage to…
